I am one of two daughters; my sister and I are legit besties. We have always been close (despite the not speaking to each other for about 3 months in 1999 because we just ‘hated’ each other) and having a big sister by my side has definitely been such a support throughout my life. My husband is an only child. He had lots of cousins around growing up, but he did feel like he was missing out on something when at home on his own.
I had always wanted more than one child, and I kinda think that was because I enjoyed having a sibling so much that I wanted my children to experience that too. When I realised that I was having another boy, one of my work colleagues commented on the fact that she loves the idea of two sons, boys bonding and all that. I thought that was kinda cute and became excited about the prospect.
When I had my second son, fuuucccckkkkk me, the ethereal image of the boys bonding couldn’t have been further from reality. I couldn’t even leave the baby in the room as the older one in case he lost a fucking eye or was face down on the floor. I honestly at moments thought, “what the actual fuck have I done by having a second baby”. Let’s just say that it took a while for the older one to accept that there was more than one child in the house. And then, once I stopped fearing for the baby’s life, we just all seemed to co-exist. I wouldn’t say there was a lot of interaction between them, but I felt like I could get through the day without wanting to cry. I often thought that maybe we had just left it too long; a three and a half year age gap was just too much and that they weren’t really going to be able to bond in the way that I had hoped.
The baby isn’t really a baby anymore, he’s two and five months and the older one is now nearly six. In the last few months we have seen such a wonderful change in their dynamic that it makes my heart absolutely burst. They have quite individual personalities, but the loving bond that I had always hoped for is really beginning to take shape. When we do the school run in the morning, the boys have a right old cuddle with each other and a farewell kiss which make me look forward to that moment every morning. Throughout the day, the little one often shouts randomly, “where is my brother?” with a grumpy face and his lower lip pouting. He genuinely misses him when he is away. In the evenings, I love seeing the older one playing with the Duplo and experiencing the toddler toys again. This modelling of play is great for the toddler and has been a springboard for play together. They have even started to gang up on me a little, refusing to go upstairs for their baths and that sort of stuff and although at that moment it’s bloody annoying, actually I love that they do feel that it’s them against me. It means that they understand that in some way, they are a team.
I don’t know whether my boys are going to have the bond that my sister and I have. I know that some siblings just don’t have that as they age, but I desssspppeeerrrately want this love that they have for each other to continue to blossom so that they do have the magic of a best friend in a brother that I have always wished for them. All I can do is continue to nurture that bond and hope that this specialness continues.
What’s your relationship like with your siblings? What is the dynamic between your children? Has your experience been anything like mine?
Would love to hear from you.
Peace and love,